Dear Harttz…

Mood: Dubious
Artist: Brightwood
Song: Wake

(You remember that from LJ?)

I think that between your e-mail and a friend’s song I am breaking again.  Yes, I know, there was no feeling or meaning to the message, but all of the things buried inside of me come rushing to the surface.

I cannot feel the way I used to.  I will not be made happy.  It is impossible for my heart to believe the things you shared were untrue, and even as I begged to know that it was, you could not convince me, or save me, or bury me where I belong.

Imagine me digging a hole.  Imagine the dirt under my nails.  It has to fit something about my size, but I am worried that that thing won’t fit.  Imagine the sun going down on a summer day, and I should be home, but I am here, digging.

I am sorry I didn’t fit into your life as much as I wanted you in mine.  You don’t want to hear how much I loved you.  You might revel in my empty hate.  But you must be ware of the turmoil boiling beneath me.  I will fuck up a lot of people before I am over this.

“I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”

PS – I pray that he will take you dancing and wake you up with hot cocoa to watch the Leonids.

Posted Tuesday, July 31st, 2012 under Uncategorized.

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