Dear Harttz

I feel sick.  I have no idea what to do with these feelings.  Does a transistor simply pop when overloaded?

I took a small vacation and for a moment, I was trapped under water in a raging river, feeling blindly for the ropes, the wood, and the air – any of the elements moving me forward, both literally and figuratively.  How many things would have been left wrong if I didn’t find them?  How many transgressions have I buried to protect this line that I have never walked?  You’re perched on the wire, the moon is full.  Can you not feel the fingers within me drawing the twine, failing, and merely plucking its threads for a quiver?

I have tried many times not to fall to this vain affair, but you see through me, and I don’t really want to fight it. I know this is no vain affair.

Many songs I really can’t stand any more.  My head tells me they’re the worst kind of lie.  It tries to tell me that the words in those songs were not meant for us.  It rings and throbs, humming “Same old song… Same old song and dance.”

I have never known many of these songs until you traced them onto me.  I did not seek them out, I did not ask for them.  But if I saw them through the ether, in another life, I would beg you for them, every note, every refrain.

I have never told you a lied or twist the truth. I have only shared the deepest, darkest depths in me. Depending on the tides, you don’t just hold my hand, you walk deeper with me. These emotional oceans and waves are ours to ride, on the water, on the air, and the solar wind between our spirits.

If I saw you tomorrow, I’d ask you what to make of all these words and songs.  ”What is a heart?  What is a soul?  I think I am real. I think I have these. I can feel them because you touch them.  What is a love? I think it is the air of life… breathe me deeply.”

Posted Friday, July 22nd, 2011 under Uncategorized.

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